Shadow world

I never felt that the world was a dangerous place. Not consciously.

Until I lived in Arkansas.

I’ve lived in California, Italy, North Carolina and Arkansas. I’ve traveled to various countries, including Canada, Mexico, Japan, England and around Europe in general.

It’s not that bad things don’t happen everywhere. They do. They happened to me as well. My childhood was anything but idyllic. My young adulthood marred with various tragedy.

Nonetheless, it wasn’t until I moved to Arkansas that I actually was aware, around the clock, of the dangerousness of the world and being human.

Why? Because the people here carry fear (and thus covert hostility) in a way I’d never experienced anywhere else. The people ooze the terror that the south and the United States was founded on. Murder, enslavement and denial. I simply had never experienced it like this. It’s not that it hasn’t always been there. Everywhere. It’s that I came to feel and understand it here.

Here I learned to shut down and keep to myself.

My openness was dangerous. These people understand boundaries, but they’re hard and sharp and cruel. They hide behind false politeness which is really a kind of deception.  Again, this happens everywhere but I had a knack at not seeing it elsewhere. I gained clarity here and frankly, I’m grateful for that much.

The boundaries I had always used were open and soft and natural. It’s why I was a good social worker but couldn’t survive the system and had to leave.

The people here, in Arkansas who deny the ugliness are emblematic of the rest of society. Their ancestral roots are in that. And they’ve never wanted to own their shadow so it becomes darker, deeper and more dangerous. It’s been brewing that way since the beginning and it’s coming out to be seen now.

At this point denial and division is the operative word pretty much everywhere. My time here has helped me understand it better and see it everywhere. The people here are simply shaped by the context of their placement. They are no better and no worse than anyone else.

New windows help you see different things. Sometimes it’s hard to look at what we are seeing.