Author Archives: Monica

(a lot of chronic illness is similar in some fundamental ways…symptomatology varies and crosses over within the lifetime of those who deal with chronic conditions regardless of diagnosis. Believing one has something specific is detrimental to getting well quite often and most certainly was for me.) that said: it’s also true that I got mostContinue reading “Micro-organism illnesses (Lyme disease and many others less popularly defined)”

Last year my life was altered in drastic ways. Certainly, all our lives were, given the changes we’ve all had to make due to the pandemic. For me things got even crazier. Just as we were given “stay at home” orders I had to leave my house. I developed a severe mold allergy, and certainly, the mold was a large part of why I’ve not gotten healthier faster. I also have other complicated micro-biome (infection) issues secondary to the brain injury that continue to challenge me in ways that are hard to talk about. In any case I had to leave my home as “stay at home” orders were issued. I started by living in the backyard for 6 months and then when that became impossible I simply had to leave. I started driving cross country. I hoped to get back to California after 17 years, if only for a visit. I have been dealing with drug injury and complications from that drug injury for that long! …..

a litany of Trust: trust everything. trust yourself trust the environment trust me trust your lover and trust your enemy trust the trustworthy and trust the untrustworthy. it’s becoming grossly evident…that reality and the powers that be are trustworthy and steadfast. …

I never quit smoking and I don’t smoke anymore. What I did was start mindfully smoking. I started to feel every bit of the smoking process — both the deliciousness and the toxicity of the smoke as it entered my mouth,  into my lungs tingle in all my cells. I smoked every cigarette like it was my last one until I no longer smoked. I didn’t smoke for 11 years and then I experienced tobacco in a ceremony. …

The entire world is conventional. One can wear different costumes and the manifestations of dysfunction then vary…a lot. We live in paradox. In any case it seems the only thing left to do is rejoin humanity and ignore all stories and simply wander among my brothers and sisters. *** A friend who briefly was sortContinue reading “Golden nuggets from beyond”

“Be silent and listen: have you recognized your madness and do you admit it? Have you noticed that all your foundations are completely mired in madness? Do you not want to recognize your madness and welcome it in a friendly manner? You wanted to accept everything. So accept madness too. Let the light of yourContinue reading “Let the light of your madness shine and I learned transcendence from my father’s cooking”

my natural authentic self makes most people uncomfortable… I actually once believed that waking up, being aware and being oneself openly and honestly would create a person that everyone could not help but adore…. *** my experience of PTSD is that there are specific (unidentified) species of bacteria/virus/fungus that opportunistically take advantage of the stressedContinue reading “Follow her into the wilderness. She will heal you.”

more musings from monica